“Women are their worst enemies”. I have heard this countless times while growing up. The usual tale has been “women would gossip about you, take your husband away and ruin your chances in life because they are jealous of your good fortune”. 

These comments have led most women- me included, to say that they prefer male friendships. 

But I have learnt this year that female friendships are where it is at. I have learnt that your female friends are your soul sisters, daughters from different mothers but daughters regardless.

 I joined a community of women in January and this has been one of the highlights of my year. 

From getting opportunities/gigs thrown at you and helping to navigate work challenges, to creating support systems for members, crowdfunding for indigent women and aiding financially, the women of TEC have changed my narrative of female friendships and communities in general. 

This is not to say that women are saints. The idea that women are good people stems from a patriarchal system that tries to mould women into blameless creatures with a heart of gold. This is why I love badly behaved women- women who are equally as bad as men, women who do not have to pander to the idea of what womanhood means. 

Like men, women can be liars, manipulators and cheats-  and often, these women could be persons who we love, adore and respect. But unlike men in romantic relationships, women are never given second chances. 

Just recently on X, a lady tweeted about a female friend who had sex with her male friend on their first meeting and threatened to cut her off while insisting that her male friend- a consenting adult who agreed to having sex with the friend was not to be cut off. This tweet received a lot of support. Her friend was blamed for hooking up with the man and insulted for being loose. Not a single bad thing said to the man in question. 

In  “You Can Never Be Me” by Jesse Sutanto, two best friends are thrown into a nasty world of jealousy and competition and are soon driven into sabotaging careers and murder. 

This novel explores the challenges of friendships, detailing the falling out between friends and navigating the loneliness after a friendship breakup. Some of the reviews for this book outrageously shunned these women- I don’t support their actions either, but why does the idea of women being less than perfect something that irritates society. Why are women held accountable for less things than men? 

Also, in “The Hopefuls” by Jennifer Close, the author explores female friendships, jealousy, betrayal and cutting offs. While the drift and betrayal wasn’t between the women, the fight was inherited by their wives- friends too, and it destroyed a blooming friendship. 

Why I believe in preserving peace and enforcing boundaries, I believe in giving female friendships as many chances as I give any other entanglement. 

Women give more time, energy, and emotions to romantic relationships, family and every other thing than they give their friendships. 

There’s always an urgency to cut off, to ghost and never to give second chances to friends. 

When friends break up, there’s no recognition of the hurt, the loneliness that comes with losing a part of yourself. People shame you for crying over a friendship break up while expecting that you grieve over a failed relationship. 

If we can actively talk about female friendships, see it for the lifeline it is and do everything in our power to hold and cherish it, only then can we experience true happiness in female friendships. 

Women, just like men, are equally bad and oftentimes would do selfish things in relationships, putting in efforts and being accountable for their actions would allow for less toxic, striving friendships.